Writing the book was difficult, but it was also very therapeutic, “It was a cathartic experience,” she reveals, “when you see things that have hurt you in the past written down on the page, you actually realise that they can’t hurt you anymore. Like most people who suffered all that I suffered I locked it all away in a box in my mind and I turned the key and hid it for many years. I always knew that I would have written a book, but I knew I would have been able to do it only when I would have been safe, happy and loved. It was only after I married that I felt safe and secure and loved and that was the right time to take out these memories. It was a very difficult process, but I had my husband next to me. There were nights when I would write all night and then I crawled into bed in tears and he would wake up, and he’d hug me and comfort me.” 

 

A few years after the trip to Pakistan, before he died of a heart attack in 2002, Ferzanna and her father had a partial reconciliation, but the relationship with her mother deteriorated even more, “My father had a temper and his problem was that he wasn’t able to control it when he was angry and therefore picked on me,” she states, “but I respect what my father was, he was a pioneer, he was very far-sighted when he came to this country, he believed in integration and not segregation and wanted the best for us.

 

My mother in the beginning was like my angel, she was there to protect me, but, as we got older, she became more and more distant to the point that we stopped speaking to each other.” Ferzanna relinquished her Islamic faith and is now a practising Christian: “I’ve always wanted to have a faith, because I’ve always felt it’s something important to a person’s life and for many years after I left home I searched for something that was going to make sense and with Christianity I found that something. I am a Christian and as Christian I forgive. I forgave my parents a long time ago, I chose to forgive like I chose to be happy. Unfortunately, it didn’t make any difference to them, because like many Asian families they wanted it all in their own way, they gave me an ultimatum and they never made any attempt to understand me. I think this is the tragedy of people who come from one culture into another: the parents and the children often become strangers to each other if they don’t try to meet in the middle.”

 

Now Ferzanna hopes that through her book she will be able to help those people who are going through her same ordeal, “I hope they can realise there is hope and they can come through this, speak out and fight back. It takes a lot of courage because if you speak out against something that your family is doing, it affects the family, the community and your sisters and brothers’ marriage prospects, so there’s a tremendous weight on the shoulders of a girl or a woman who wants to speak out, but she must be strong enough to do it.” Ferzanna hopes she will also be able to actively help and reach out to people in need through Roshni (www.roshni.org.uk), she indeed joined this charity established in 2002 by members of the UK’s minority ethnic community to raise the awareness of child abuse within Black and Ethnic Minority Communities, “What a lot of people don’t realise is that the abuse I suffered in my daily life is actually routine in many ethnic minorities families and, having felt the isolation that comes with this abuse, I know I’ll be able to make a real contribution to Roshni and reach those people who are most at risk,” she says.

 

Ferzanna is planning to write more and perhaps start working on a new book. In the meantime, she is receiving praise by many readers, especially young women, for Unbroken Spirit. “They told me that my story gave them inspiration because not only did I get over it, but I’m happy, and so they said that I’ve inspired them to believe that they can be happy as well,” she claims, “I think the book has proved that there is a need out there for a story like mine that can show people that these things are happening but that there’s also hope.” Identifying feasible solutions to prevent modern-day honour killings is still a problem for many governments all over the world. Yet increasing public awareness, higher education levels and giving support and a voice to abuse survivors, are key in tackling honour killings, in saving the victims of violence and in giving them hope.  

 

BY ANNA BATTISTA